Honestly... The past 4-6 weeks have blurred together a bit and many of the themes and weeks have started overlapping or dissolving into a to-do list of packing, emails, paper work, travel arrangements, and last visits with friends.
Two weeks from today I will be landing in Tokyo. Six weeks from today I will be back in the United States. My excitement for Tokyo meets so many unknowns about that culture and leaves me in a place in non-emotion. My joy for getting to see family and friends in the US again meets the sickening heartache I feel at the thought of not being here and again I'm in a place of non-emotion. There seem to only be extreme highs and equally extreme lows on this journey with very little in between. "Middle ground" seems to be a self imposed place of total neutrality that serves to keep me from looking like (and feeling like) I'm schizophrenic.
This week as I booked plane tickets and set up meeting and coffee dates to say goodbyes and farewell party plans were made I shed a lot of tears... n: fluid appearing in or flowing from the eye as the result of emotion, especially grief: to shed tears.
This week I also moved out of my studio and started packing at my house. There were tears shed in this process as well. I was more struck by the sensation of tearing... v: to pull apart or in pieces by force, especially so as to leave ragged or irregular edges. Synonyms: rend, rip, rive. Antonyms: mend, repair, sew. In August of 2009 when I first visited Perth I gave it a part of my heart and leaving then was hard. Now, after having lived here a year, Fremantle has my whole heart and I have it's.
Tear, both the noun and verb, is the theme for this week. And I have a feeling the next few weeks as well.
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