Two days ago I came back to Kansas after a quick 10 day trip around Texas.
This time was filled with sweet moments. I had the opportunity to spend several days with my sister and her family being super aunt. In my specific support raising related events I was able to reconnect with several people I hadn't seen in literally years! I love the stories of what I've seen God do in Freo. To get to share those with friends, old or new, is a joy for me. I can't tell you what an encouragement it is to find new prayer partners as I journey back to Perth.
However, right now everything is tempered with concern for the financial side of the support raising process. I've quit my job to support raise full-time, and I'm thankful for this as it makes my time available for traveling. But It also means I have no income and have go into my saving each month and reimburse expenses to my MTW account.
I can't help but wonder if I'm being a faithful steward of my time and resources.
It seems like I'm hearing "If this really is God's will then He'll provide" a lot lately. So, what do I do when it seems like He isn't? When my support level has gone up less than 1% in the past three months. When I'm told over and over that I am being prayed for (don't get me wrong, I need the prayers... which is why I'm sharing all this) but people can't or don't contribute financially. When it feels like I'm being told "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed."
I can't help but doubt.
The plan is for me to keep moving forward as if I'm returning to Perth later this year, as has been my goal. This means I'll be attending a month long training in New York City this summer. Which could completely drain my support account if I can't raise another $3,000 in the next month. I can't really explain it but I have a strange peace that things will happen as planned. I'm not sure if it's foolishness or faith that is giving me this peace. I hope it's faith. I'm afraid it's foolishness.
Transparency and honesty are two core values in the FUZE Internship. That is what I'm bringing to you today. The transparency of my struggle and the honesty of my doubt. My goal is not pity, sympathy or to manipulate pledges out of you, rather to share my heart and ask you to pray for it.
As I was driving across Texas my newly downloaded Mumford & Son's album made the sound track as God and I discussed all my doubts and struggles... Well, more like I yelled and He was quiet. Then the chorus of this song caught my attention. It has become the mantra of my prayers. I would ask you to pray it for me as well.
This time was filled with sweet moments. I had the opportunity to spend several days with my sister and her family being super aunt. In my specific support raising related events I was able to reconnect with several people I hadn't seen in literally years! I love the stories of what I've seen God do in Freo. To get to share those with friends, old or new, is a joy for me. I can't tell you what an encouragement it is to find new prayer partners as I journey back to Perth.
However, right now everything is tempered with concern for the financial side of the support raising process. I've quit my job to support raise full-time, and I'm thankful for this as it makes my time available for traveling. But It also means I have no income and have go into my saving each month and reimburse expenses to my MTW account.
I can't help but wonder if I'm being a faithful steward of my time and resources.
It seems like I'm hearing "If this really is God's will then He'll provide" a lot lately. So, what do I do when it seems like He isn't? When my support level has gone up less than 1% in the past three months. When I'm told over and over that I am being prayed for (don't get me wrong, I need the prayers... which is why I'm sharing all this) but people can't or don't contribute financially. When it feels like I'm being told "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed."
I can't help but doubt.
The plan is for me to keep moving forward as if I'm returning to Perth later this year, as has been my goal. This means I'll be attending a month long training in New York City this summer. Which could completely drain my support account if I can't raise another $3,000 in the next month. I can't really explain it but I have a strange peace that things will happen as planned. I'm not sure if it's foolishness or faith that is giving me this peace. I hope it's faith. I'm afraid it's foolishness.
Transparency and honesty are two core values in the FUZE Internship. That is what I'm bringing to you today. The transparency of my struggle and the honesty of my doubt. My goal is not pity, sympathy or to manipulate pledges out of you, rather to share my heart and ask you to pray for it.
As I was driving across Texas my newly downloaded Mumford & Son's album made the sound track as God and I discussed all my doubts and struggles... Well, more like I yelled and He was quiet. Then the chorus of this song caught my attention. It has become the mantra of my prayers. I would ask you to pray it for me as well.
"Keep the earth below my feet
For all my sweat, my blood runs weak
Let me learn from where I have been
Keep my eyes to serve my hands to learn
Keep my eyes to serve my hands to learn"
For all my sweat, my blood runs weak
Let me learn from where I have been
Keep my eyes to serve my hands to learn
Keep my eyes to serve my hands to learn"
2 comments:
Well done good and faithful servant! I love you - b
I love you.
Da
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